Monday, December 30, 2013
Have you figured out yet just how buyers choose items? No? I can guess for the both of us.
I'm sure most, if not all, commercial items are what arouses them most as those pieces are what's rolling them to da bank. Say that in some derivative M.I.A. voice because we don't fucking give a shit about capitalism. Except in the segments of getting buyers wet, of course.
An emblazoned shark! On a sweater! Made of wool! They're killing us (not really), we're killing them (duh!) and we can mark these near extinction historic moments on a Sibling sweater. It's machine washable and just cute as fuck.
(No sharks were harmed in the making of this sweater.)
Saturday, December 28, 2013
I have been M.I.A. because of you know, Christmas and drinking and eating and drinking. I have barely had time to go on my CBC app. JK. I did because sometimes you need solace from your family. Oh and there's also that imminent addiction to technology, like Tom Daley posting a god damn adorable Christmas photo every hour.
It appears every heterosexual is giving Daley everything rainbow related.
Because we gays love rainbows so fucking much!
And your grandparents I guess don't trust your judgment on choosing your sexuality at such a young age of 19. But! We'll get you a gay themed present anyway. This will probably sound dark, but society will be in a better position when older generations die along with their fucking old ideologies.
Sunday, December 22, 2013
I've been to a few weddings within my existence on this planet and I don't even own a suit. Repeat: I don't own a suit. There's enough emphasis there, that, you kind of want to throw me off a cliff and I will only allow it if I am securely harnessed, of course.
I've had many formal occasions where owning a suit was probably mandatory, but I have always decided to forgo the suit for pants and shirt combo. Occasions: communion, graduation (elementary, high school, college and university, quarter-life crisis), 16th birthday, job interviews (I prefer the, dress your personality type interviews) and of course, dentist appointments. You really need to let blood and saliva spill on some good textiles.
Then, as per usual, I was catching up on some much needed BOF news and an article on Thom Browne arose. It got me cogitating, where in the world is my fucking suit. Okay, I always knew there was a void in my wardrobe and I made a vow to myself back when I was in my early 20's that the first suit in my wardrobe had to be a made-to-measure suit. Is that a lot to ask for? When you charge a few Christmas presents, yes.
This is where Thom Browne plays a role in building my made-to-measure suit. Owning such craftsmanship would really signify a significant change in my life, career and how I wish to present myself to others. I associate owning a good suit to being in your mid- to late 20's. You know that you haven't fucked your life up, yet, and you can afford to purchase really expensive hand-welted footwear, occasionally. You're still not ready for that long-term commitment so you get a puppy instead, the partner will follow, maybe.
A well-fitted, well-crafted suit speaks highly of yourself. Owning a made-to-measure Thom Browne suit is just the icing on the cake and really just an ODE to being your authentic-self. Show dem ankles.
Saturday, December 21, 2013
I have this straying love for Beyonce because while I enjoy her music, I don't love her music. And then she shits all over the internet and Drunk In Love is on repeat while I read theories on feminism. Seriously, go read of women's suffrage, right now. Or Beyonce will steal your kittens.
Grimes, I remember you, it was the summer of 2012 and I just moved to Toronto to pursue a career in debauchery. So far, it's panning out quite nicely. You're my Canadian heroin that I can be weird to and we have exclusive co-ed slumber parties where all we talk about is our undying love for Jonathan Taylor Thomas (JTT!!).
Where do I even begin with the brilliance and greatness that is Lazaro Hernandez and Jack McCollough. They created the ultimate IT bag: the PS1. I want the PS1, but I also want to pay rent. I'm conflicted. They literally push the boundaries in terms of textiles and shapes and can really see how they have an eye for their craft. Don't get me started on my grade school crush with Hernandez.
So, I know you're probably asking, what is the commonality between these three creative artists. Well, it's Jay Z. I bet you did not see that coming because I sure didn't. Okay, I did, except for when it came to Grimes. Jay Z is Beyonce's sex partner in crime and is a feature in Drunk In Love. Jay Z did a collaboration with Proenza Schouler to produce an sub-par duffle sold exclusively at Barneys. And Grimes, purveyor of all things cute just signed with Roc Nation. Do that triangle thing with your hands. Rep.
Thursday, December 19, 2013
I have a denim jacket, but I want this denim jacket.
My current denim jacket by H&M looks identical to this one and like Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, you wouldn't be able to differentiate the two. I can, actually, differentiate the fraternal twins because Ashley has a freckle above her lip and Mary-Kate has a freckle on her right cheek. This is really just the argument I am positioning in how I really need this one as opposed to the one I already own.
The current wash of my denim jacket is a medium wash with slight whisking permeating the exterior. The Acne denim jacket is a light vintage wash. Light vintage wash! My buttons are bronze and while they're cute, they're so passe like that phased out Canadian penny. The Acne denim jacket has silver oh-my-fucking-god buttons and just propels its vintage not-vintage status. Other than what I have argued, - and valid arguments I have contested in the world of sartorial denim - they're still essentially the same denim jacket.
Still, though, I want this one.
Acne Jam Slim-Fit Washed-Denim Jacket via Mr Porter
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
Shoes are essentially an extension of one's disposition. The athletic and active individuals are sporting Nike Free Run's, the lazy suburban's are moseying around in Crocs and the coasting hipsters don Blundstones and Docs.
An article in Fast Company about Allen Edmonds got me contemplating about the art of brand awareness and how the youth of today have enough disposable income to purchase goodyear welted shoes. Um, at 22 I was purchasing shoes from Aldo and other high street brands. Graangaard, your son has dapper shoes because you make a good enough salary to support him and his other bourgeois tastes. And, who are they networking with? The fucking devil?
I have to wonder, though, did the integrity of the company disappear somewhere between outsourcing some of their footwear and firing 8% of staff to gain profit?
Alright, enough business hoopla because who wants to talk about that? Not this urban hipster. I deeply value the heritage of the brand and I am more concerned with the higher end products rather than the outsourced pieces. If I am going Allen Edmond, I am going all the way to handmade in America.
The oxfords are well crafted and exquisitely designed giving you the look of, I make six figures and I want you to know it. They would pair it with a Tom Ford suit, because why the fuck not. Or, in my case, the urban hipster that makes a salary that is slightly lower on the spectrum and donning it with cuffed denim like the above photo.
When did the hipster paradigm shift from vintage to heritage?
Monday, December 16, 2013
If I have to walk through one more retail store playing Mariah Carey's All I Want For Christmas Is You - I might just request a pair of scissors from a sales associate, then slit my wrists and have my blood drip down the aisles until I faint.
My Christmas spirit is pretty adorable right now.
I have compiled a list of songs that I think will save you from having to visit the emerge. Are you ready? Are you sure? Do you have your thrifted jumper on and eggnog libations in both hands? Superb, my dearest non-conformists of all things Vice and abstract thinkers - sway yourself back and forth, now.
1. She & Him - Baby It's Cold Outside
2. Rooney - Merry Xmas Everybody
3. Sufjan Stevens - Little Drummer Boy
4. The Raveonettes - The Christmas Song
5. Jimmy Eat World - Last Christmas
6. The XX - Last Christmas
7. Death Cab For Cutie - Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)
Bonus: Sufjan Stevens - Christmas Unicorn
Friday, December 13, 2013
It's Friday the 13th, which means only the weirdest of weird things will happen today. Jason saves us from the consumerist behaviour that is Christmas and Wal-Mart gets a union. In other news, GQ Germany decided to have heterosexual men reach first base with other heterosexual men in an effort to create some sort of LGBT discourse.
I don't get it.
Okay, I kind of get it. I get the effort. The concluding message is clear that homophobia still exists and that straight sexy Germans are allies. But at the end of the day, it's really just a photo that will end up as the wallpaper on my Mac that I could masturbate to.
Photo: GQ Germany
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
As the third born child of immigrant parents, I was genuinely concerned with how I spent my money. I grew up with hand-me-down toys and in hindsight, a window to my gayness was unlocked by playing with my older sister's Barbie. This Barbie, which I remember vividly, had the ability to change hair colour just by adding warm to luke-warm water to her hair. That colour was a cloudy blue.
Fuck, I hate gender controlled toys.
During my formative high school years and through college and university, I never, ever, once owned this simple contraption you would call: the lint roller. You know, I could have been a very punctual and studious-looking student. Instead, my mother would gleefully offer me a roll of tape because it really sufficiently suffices as a lint roller-cum-tool for putting up posters of TLC. Albeit, the process of gathering one's strength to conjure this contraption was not as simplistic as an actual lint roller. For one, the lint roller has a wand. A fucking wand that can ergonomically remove lint from the back of your jumper without a strain or assistance from your sibling.
A roll of tape, sans wand. Ergo, strenuous.
The lint roller, why do we buy it? We purchase said item because we want to appear presentable to the world, our peers and employers, that, you know, we can be put together and that we have enough disposable income to splurge on a four dollar tool that is essentially, tape. Takes a lot of work to not look like shit.
So really, is the lint roller elitist? Probably... not. But to my mother, I think so.
(Disclosure: I bought this one for $0.50 on sale. Otherwise, I would have not been compelled to buy it.)
I'm really saddened by this rather mediocre haul, which was accompanied by some rather bro-ey music. Way to stereotype yourself, brah. How can a woman talk for an hour about her Louboutins but we can't even intellectualize a Givenchy tee. You've elaborated to me what I can already articulate for myself. I want you to delve deeper.
What compelled you to purchase a commodity of high-quality? Was it conformity? Was it for style? How would you style it and how? How many lawns did you have to mow or how many milk cartons did yo have to deliver to purchase said commodity? I really, really want to know.
Right now, I just think you're a upper class teenager with too much disposable income because of the Hermes belts in your part 3 of 3 haul.
Sunday, December 8, 2013
My previous day dreaming years prior to moving to Toronto was to always live in one of those fancy, schamancy sky scraping condos hoping it would be located next to the phallic CN Tower. A simpleton I was and now I think they're just shit. An article posted recently in The New York Times discusses the pros and cons of walk-up apartments. Price tag: $3,450. I presently live in one and it's kitschy-as-fuck, sort of.
I'm going to blatantly state that, yes, I am that west end snob that restricts his zone of where he lives and travels, but in my defence, I cycle to the beaches when the temperature reaches twenty degrees. I did date someone living in the east end and I wouldn't mind a flat in Cabbagetown because of the character I hope that resides in each unit.
I have friends - I really do have friends - that live in high rise condos and walk-up apartments and being biased, I prefer the latter. Condos have that cookie-cutter, sterile, yuppie connotation that are just sub-par for my living standards. Albeit, they normally have en-suite laundry, security (can double as a partner), a gym and other amenities at your pleasure.
The story of walk-ups just have so much more character and history. Being able-bodied, walk-ups are up my alley. Really. I lived in Kensington for a year, where I had to walk through a dark alley infested with a few non-Ratatouille looking rats. In addition, there were raccoons and squirrels living in the walls that made this normally chipper adult into a fucking raging asshole. But the place was still cute! Oh, and I'm sure there were opportunities in the alley where I could have been brutally murdered and no one would have noticed. It was all part of the charm! I signed the lease anyway. It was literally a shitty looking shack from the exterior and once indoors: it was quaint. It was renovated with pot lights and I love pot lights.
That place was rather pricey and here I am on my second year tenure in Toronto living at Trinity Bellwoods. This kitschy-as-fuck apartment is peculiar and that is why I like it. There are these bright tacky tiles on the walls, the hardwood flooring is uneven (a little too uneven for this self-diagnosed OCD guy) and there are these random toys that my landlord has left for us encapsulated on the stove, which I did not put away because it was cute, I think. Wow, so much history, I know.
Really though, do you really want to exchange greetings from vermin to greetings from a doorman?
Thursday, December 5, 2013
Dustin Lance Black - writer, gay activists, heartbreaker - broke up with me via text not too long ago and news has been reported that he is now dating Tom Daley. That slender Olympic diver who was decorated in some medal. Yes, him.
Daley, eager to pursue, sent him a text that said "call me" with a fucking smiley face. Everyone responds to a smiley face emoji. Black subsequently responded a day later and broke up with me a few weeks after.
As you have probably guessed correctly, we never dated. However, Daley and Black reportedly are.
Wednesday, December 4, 2013
I was worried for my mental state recently because my relationship to fashion was suffering.
J.W. Anderson saved me.
A Sunday afternoon lead me to a bookstore to gander at the books I want to buy, but never have the time to read. I always route my route to directly take me to the international fashion magazines. I've already purchased the quarterly magazine Dansk, Pop was just $22.50 too expensive and Another Man had Ezra Miller on the cover and I unapologetically put down Hunger. Sorry Rebel Wilson.
I first heard about J.W. Anderson when he collaborated with Topshop and It gal Alexa Chung donned his bat jumper on the streets of New York. After that, I kind of just unfortunately dismissed him. That jumper with the blue dot in the ad above compelled me to find that piece online and I realized that, that jumper is $700 on sale. I further delved deeper into his fall 2013 collection and noticed new proportions for men that I couldn't find elsewhere.
Peplums, more peplums, dresses, a complete look with just a pinstripe jacket.
Further delving into the mind that is Jonathan Williams Anderson, here, he discusses the future of menswear and where it should advance. He believes in modernity in menswear and I absolutely agree that menswear needs to take more risks with textiles, designs and with great importance: proportions.
He also clearly stated that fashion needs to have an opinion to be real. And fuck, do I have opinions.
Fashion, I love you again.