Friday, May 31, 2013

fuzz friday: peaches and her posse


If a foursome was presented right in front of me, these three, would be in my circle jerk. I bet Peaches would be a totalitarian fascist dictating queen that would require me to ride pony's and comb her hair. The gold lame donning singer/performance artist/DJ/gender bender, et al. performed at Wrong Bar on May 24 to a fully packed, super queer, homocentric crowd. I danced/twerked/vogued and all that shit you associate with dancing on coke*.

*Don't do drugs.

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

hipster denunciation: new balance

I totally wanted to purchase a pair of these (not these, but iterations of these), but its ubiquity annihilated its cool status. We (me and my other post-cool amigo) are not wearing these because your neighbour you haven't met - but heard them have loud raunchy sex - has them and that guy you saw launder two weeks ago has them. Lets popularize and commercialize squared toed shoes by pitching to Miuccia Prada.

Sunday, May 26, 2013

in the house


Have you heard of Woodkid? He's just absolutely.. I have nothing to offer. I apologize. Wikipedia will most likely sum up his personal life and career for me. Thanks Wiki and thanks fans-who-know-too-much-and-who-can-edit-shit-at-their-own-pleasure. His music is slowly enthralling me, okay, fine, I've only listen to one song. Where do I sign up for fan mail?! I'm most presently interested in him donning a printed ensemble courtesy of neo-Kenzo. Can he and Solange just get married already so they can pull a Britney/Justin duo at a red carpet event?

Friday, May 24, 2013

pinch of the day: ashley olsen addition


Fuck Aby, Ashley Olsen isn't that adorable shit disturber Michelle Tanner any longer. I'm highly positive, that you sure are conspiring to make Danny Tanner quite jealous of this firm hand pinching technique. New York real estate tycoon Aby Rosen, celebrated his 53rd birthday with roughly 500 of his dearest amigos. Who is this gentleman inviting influential elites? Real esate = friends with MK and A. I get it. I had no idea until now who this man was, but we haven't been formally acquainted due to my lack of mortgage approval. Carrie Bradshaw would be so proud.

Monday, May 13, 2013

pronouns are bullshit


One of my favourite online retailers, SSENSE, is always attempting to sell me perpetually sold out KENZO sweaters and closer to god Giuseppe pumps. I need to strut on Queen between Spadina and Ossington donning said pieces. I mean, I wouldn't actually purchase a Kenzo sweater because of its ubiquity, but in the event that one magically appears on my steps, then yes, I'll fucking wear it.

I've been involved in a lot of discourse (okay, only two in the last year, but still) lately about Mykki Blanco, who is a gay male black rapper spitting rhymes about gulping Ciroc and being a dick rider 4 lyfe. The man likes cock. Girlfriend detests pronouns because we obviously don't need to define ourselves and labels are shit because everything is fluid, even your love for your dog that just shit on your favourite Manolo's.

You can read the endearing interview here while concurrently shopping and putting a lot of Givenchy in your shopping bag. I also totally relate to his never ending broke-as-shit life.

Photo: SSENSE

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

and there we met


Met Gala! Met Gala! Who let perpetually bullied Kim K. in? Oh, of course, it's about who you know and not what you know. I would fuck Kanye to go to the Met. JK! Selling your soul is a bargain to be surrounded by Miley's literal punk ensemble and did you see that head piece Sarah Jessica Parker donned? Was it a bird? Militant armoury? Again, a bird, but alive? How much did it weigh and does it have its own Twitter handle yet?

The most importantand obvs unbiasedgetup was by yours truly, Ashley Olsen. Doesn't she remind you of an orange creamsicle? Maybe the fox engulfing the world of the Firefox icon? Look at those assuming pink Manolos gracing the freshley vacuumed red carpet. Hopefully they used Dyson.