Friday, December 21, 2012

gluttony

Thoroughly enjoying gluttony right now while visiting my family in the suburbs. That carpet pattern would arouse any woman driving a 1996 Ford vehicle. I examined the shoes I left behind that wouldn't fit in my Toronto apartment. I went through a moccasin phase that would leave a teenage girl living in said suburbia dead as if she just got a glimpse of J.B. They will be on the market soon. This market I am referring to is Kijiji with a price tag of $20 in a size 7 (9 W). There's just enough fringe to make you want to spin to your hearts content.

Lucky enough, I left some amazing pairs behind that I embarrassingly forgot to bring with me to begin my new life of Hannah Hovath. A few pairs of vintage loafers that I know hurt currently at the moment, but it's okay, that's what medication is for.

I wandered through downtown aimlessly yesterday when I stopped to purchase some tea and I got complimented on my Blundstones. They're ubiquotous among the street kids of Queen West, but in the land of Top 40 radio stations and mullet haircuts - they're the new moccasins.

Thursday, December 20, 2012

It was the summer of 2011 and I had just lost my virginity to Instagram...

We had a good relationship for a year. Then fucking Facebook purchased you like some impotent, pathetic man preying his next victim. I questioned the credibility of Instagram after the much public transaction. A new statement of their privacy policy recently gave me and every other user doubts. How post-modern we are. I thought to myself, "I'm done." Instagram/Facebook, I am not a commodity.   I stand for causes that I believe in and your fucking corporation is not one of them.

My next campaign will be against Clover Leaf and their unethical methods in fishing tuna.

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

post-grad


This months sparks a special release for all twenty-something nasty gals (and boys). As a male counterpart to this demographic I feel obliged to contribute. My contribution is to make Lena Dunham and her team of Brooklynites just a tad more bourgee. I'll be extending my gratuities in purchasing the sought after HBO show in physical format. 

Do you recall the ladies from Sex and the City discussing girls in their twenties? (Season 2: episode 17. Go now.) Carrie believes being in the city, single and in our twenties is worst than in your thirties. Samantha believes we're ungrateful pieces of shit. And Charlotte got crabs. Our twenties are shit. We are graduating into an economy that believes that us twenty somethings are entitled to certain career positions. I will get you your non-fat latte. We have to graduate from multiple schools to land a job. A part-time job. I need a dental plan. I can't be Hannah Hovath and just intern for free. I have to fucking eat. Let alone we have to worry about diseases like HPV and alcoholism to adapt to our lives. 

"I could be a drug addict. Do you realize how lucky you are?" - Hannah Horvath

Cheers.

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

row


Do you remember when mini-backpacks were all the rage in the 90's? Do you remember your parents consuming an array of drugs in the 70's and 80's? No. You were not born yet. Combine the two and you have an old, but new product in the land of no more FORD. The price, gasp, $55, 000US. 

Do you take multiple credit cards and non-legal tender? Canadian Tire currency. Yes.